Thursday, February 21, 2008

William, It Was Really Nothing

Valentines Day. some cringe at that word. why? because that day always sucks for them. here are 5 helpful tips on what to do next year, get book marking.

1. Take her paintballing.
Now you're probably saying most girls don't like paintball, and you are right. this is the first test, putting you in control and if she leaves then whatever, she wasn't going to be fun or liked by your friends anyways. Shoot her, chase her, do what you gotta do to let her know you are one big crazy bundle of love.

2. Be nice, but not a sissy.
Hold the laundry door open for her, watch her make you supper, etc etc.

3. Start a cult.
What better bond to share with someone then being the co-founders of a cult. get awesome with it! think of things like the no pants cult, get drunk and play twister cult, or nothing that happens leaves this room cult.

4. Get shitty drunk.
As if you weren't already. This is the most reasonable one and all you need is either a 24 of pbr, 2-4 bottles of wine, or gin/vodka/whiske/anything that can be mixed. you also need the lady/guy/goat/sock puppet/whatever you're into, and a tv/computer/record player. Done, you're set. Now just play truth or dare and wait for your turn you eager bastard.

5. Fight a homeless person.
If you have to take out your anger on valentines day, by all means, do it on the homeless. what are they going to do? run home? HA! fighting the homeless triggers a natural attraction to females because it shows that you could protect their young. it's science, really.

so just follow those steps and i'm sure next year will be a lot better for you, if not, you still got drunk, went paintballing, started a cult, and fought a homeless person. fuck yeah dude!

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