Monday, February 25, 2008

This Apparatus Must Be Earthed

Can you believe we used to watch wrestling? I remember thinking it was real.

DRAGON DRAGON!! for those who couldn't stand to watch the whole thing go to 6:18 of that to see the best part. here's some more epicness

and the greatest thing to ever happen to wrestling....i present to you:

Thursday, February 21, 2008

William, It Was Really Nothing

Valentines Day. some cringe at that word. why? because that day always sucks for them. here are 5 helpful tips on what to do next year, get book marking.

1. Take her paintballing.
Now you're probably saying most girls don't like paintball, and you are right. this is the first test, putting you in control and if she leaves then whatever, she wasn't going to be fun or liked by your friends anyways. Shoot her, chase her, do what you gotta do to let her know you are one big crazy bundle of love.

2. Be nice, but not a sissy.
Hold the laundry door open for her, watch her make you supper, etc etc.

3. Start a cult.
What better bond to share with someone then being the co-founders of a cult. get awesome with it! think of things like the no pants cult, get drunk and play twister cult, or nothing that happens leaves this room cult.

4. Get shitty drunk.
As if you weren't already. This is the most reasonable one and all you need is either a 24 of pbr, 2-4 bottles of wine, or gin/vodka/whiske/anything that can be mixed. you also need the lady/guy/goat/sock puppet/whatever you're into, and a tv/computer/record player. Done, you're set. Now just play truth or dare and wait for your turn you eager bastard.

5. Fight a homeless person.
If you have to take out your anger on valentines day, by all means, do it on the homeless. what are they going to do? run home? HA! fighting the homeless triggers a natural attraction to females because it shows that you could protect their young. it's science, really.

so just follow those steps and i'm sure next year will be a lot better for you, if not, you still got drunk, went paintballing, started a cult, and fought a homeless person. fuck yeah dude!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Rick Moranis built my hot rod.

The hamster sums up the TV industry perfectly. Now that the writer's strike is done, actors a week later start up a new strike. Are you serious? You make 20 million dollars a movie and you're pissed? GIVE ME NEW EPISODES OF THE OFFICE, DAMMIT! It's really easy to find replacements and they won't charge millions, bitch about their coffee not being imported from brazil, or fighting you russell crowe style. observe:

that shark scene seriously scared the crap out of me.